May 19, 2015

the summer bucket list

abby: *writes sidebar updates* *redesigns blog* *reads her own posts* *edits her old posts* *never writes posts*

this is my last summer of freedom. in september, i will be partially enrolling in public school (kill me now), beginning grade eleven, and finally scraping my life together by acquiring a part-time job. it's horrifying - i am going to be forced to deal with other humans, and shoulder responsibilities. i will no longer be completely homeschooled. i'm going to be accountable to new orders: new authorities. i won't be able to hang around my basement for most of my day in my sports bra and sweat pants, making myself coffee every two hours. it is barbaric; it is frightening. on top of all this, my older brother wants me to apply to write for esquire. yes, the magazine populated and read by thirty-year-old, vaguely philosophical men with kodiak boots and red beards. i am a white, middle-class, teenage girl. maybe they will find this ironic and endearing, but i vibrantly doubt it.

i asked evelyn what i should write about, and she said "you should write a list of things to do in the summer". so yeah, that's what's going down. i'm going to write about what i want to do in this: my last summer of being a child... thank you, eva.

i am probably not going to die this summer. at least, i'm not exactly planning on it. the implication of the kicked bucket in the title of this post will have to be translated as a metaphor: i will be writing about the things i hope to accomplish before the metaphorical summer bucket is kicked. you should all also do these things, if {you know} you want to.

my children, this summer you must live.

one of my most frequent regrets is that i do not read enough. it's very true; i don't. although, it could also be argued that i read too much, as i read so many books simultaneously that it takes me months and months to finish a specific book. it's a bit of a tragedy. but i love to read; i love to read under trees and in the rain, so i think that i will read more this summer.

literally, mentally, emotionally, socially, internationally, locally, in literature, in music, in art, in people.

i complain about school for most of the year and then miss it when it is gone. i love to learn. i love to obtain knowledge; i want to sink my fingers into a rich wealth of information and withdraw everything i can hold. i am going to continue to learn, this summer, as much as possible. i'm going to keep studying latin and french and read more international news websites and learn more constellations and keep a compass with me everywhere.


i have an extremely basic mastery of the instrument and i wish to become better acquainted with it. my older brothers both play guitar with beautiful and fiery passion, and i love the sound so much. i'm going to learn a bit of radiohead, a bit of imagine dragons, a bit of tchaikovsky (if humanly possible on guitar), a bit of fleetwood mac and a bit of folk.

i've always thought of it as a more civilized sport (i like civilized sports. i.e. tennis and boxing.) and my pretty incredible dad told me that he would teach me how to play. i'm not going to wear a skirt.


i want to meet people and kayak more and train myself to be a better boxer. i want to drink a lot of tea; i want to go to the library and do yoga before bed more often. i want to sleep tired and hard, with a wealth for my brain to digest. i want to hurt and laugh. i want give beautiful things away, like love and companionship and kindness and knowledge. i want to live full days. i am probably going to end up wasting 45% of my summer on the internet, but it's nice to fantasize.

i have never read the entirety of it together, and i really should. i love to hear Jesus speak. i love to hear of him healing the sick, i love to see him take the little children into his arms, i love to read of him being moved with compassion, anger, passion, love. i love the epistles and the depths of knowledge layered inside them. revelation fascinates and terrifies and enthrals me. i'm going to read the entire new testament this summer.

i'm shooting for the small goal of 350+ words a day. i know, it definitely is not very much, but i need to set an attainable goal if i will be able to accomplish this. whether it's in my novels, in my journals, in my books of poetry, or on this blog, i want to write at least three-hundred and fifty words every day.

i think a lot of people say that they like rain, but they do not when faced with the cold, muddy reality of rain. i love rain, a lot. i will purposely walk and run and read outside in the rain because i love the rain. it feels cleansing and profound and silvery and wonderful and i love the rain. i am going to spend as much enjoying it as possible.


i did this once last year with extremely fulfilling results.

i filled a slender poetry book for 2014 and i am yet to create one for this year. when this new book is in existence, its pages will brim and drip and cascade with poetry for Jesus and the stars, raw and ragged outcries, philosophical epigrams, ballads, three-chord acoustic lovesongs...

15. LOOK UP.
these summer nights, i will watch the stars. i will look up, i will calculate, i will memorize, i will discover. and i know that my heart will forever be encased in slavery to the love of the faultless northern skies.


  1. ABBY. golly, my love. this is what i meant, this is what i craved for. THIS, is what i've been missing from my life. can i read this every day and write it on my walls?
    all of these, in some form or other, have been on my mind the past couple months to do this summer. perhaps we should keep each other accountable. and like, email each other and say ARE YOU DOING IT?
    so yea, i love you and your words <3

    1. wOAH EVA. i didn't think it was that good. but i'm glad it affected you.
      let's do it. we should have a lotf war paint day and take pictures and send them to each other and write incredible posts. i don't know why i thought of that first; i suppose some of the other things are more universally applicable. but still! we can be life-wealth accountability partners.

    2. whats insignificant to you.. is significant to us. =) its so amazing because once again, you read my mind. =D
      yussss. you thought of that first because its the best of all summer plans. :) "life-wealth accountability partners" i like the sound of that.

  2. *dances because you did a post, and a great one at that* I love the new design! You're staring off into the distance and whoa, deep (actually, I don't know about 'distance', it looks like you're blogging or something, but let me have my fun >:) ). I tagged you for the summer bucket list tag, so I thought this was the tag. XD But it's great. I hope public school ends up being fantabulous, although it's difficult to transition from private to public, I heard (if that's indeed what you're doing). I've only ever transferred from public to private, tbh. I'll be in Year eleven too, although I'm not sure how time works in parts of the world, but it's about the same time, give or take a few months. :)

    1. thank you so much, jo! i love it too, honestly.
      i didn't know you tagged me for a summer bucket list tag! i missed that post, i guess.
      what a weird coincidence that i wrote one anyway.
      thank you, i hope school will be fantabulous as well. i kind of doubt it, though.
      [also, i didn't know we were the same age! that's so cool.]

  3. I adore this post, and these are brilliant goals.

  4. this is so stinking perfect. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. why can i not describe my feelings like this. you just put on paper {or like... computer} what i have been longing for this summer. i'm the same way about school and it's ridiculous. the moment it ends i'll be wishing i had more reading assignments for history and ancient greek literature etc etc {not math though. never} also, i'm starting dual enrollment in a public school next year too! and hopefully a part time job. eleventh grade is scary. so all the more reason to buy up the time this summer with books and learning and stars and rain and God's words and other people.
    anyway thank you tons for this list. i will look back on it always throughout the summer. you're kinda awesome

    1. i definitely do not feel like i express myself efficiently or eloquently, so it is incredible and strange to hear this; thank you. i almost forgot we were the same age! i always automatically think that everyone is older than me. but there seems to be a myriad of fifteen-year-olds in this sphere of the blogging community. well my dear, i hope we both survive public school. good luck! let it be an adventure.

  5. Hello Abby!
    I was brought to your blog and this post by Eva (Thanks Eva!) and I just wanted to let you know that I love the idea of a summer bucket list! :) I especially love this one, as it, for one, is beautifully worded, but also that it combines somewhat "lofty" summer goals, with completely down to earth concepts and goals. I'm sure you will be able to complete it! :) I also just wanted to say that I saw in your side bar that you were reading The Consolation of Philosophy by Boethius (the real reason I decided to comment, although your post was definitely worthy of a comment ;) ) I just wanted to say Good luck on that! Consolation is a bit of a rough read, but can be really fun to discuss and study, so congrats! :) If you are looking for books to read to fulfill the "books" part of your bucket list, and if you enjoy reading Philosophers such as Boethius, if you haven't already read it I would very much recommend "Confessions" by St. Augustine. I had to read it for a school project this past semester, and it was fantastic! :) Augustine is amazing, I love him so, so much. Ok :) I will now end this somewhat long comment haha. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and your blog now that I have discovered it! :)

    1. it's wonderful to meet you! i'm so glad that you found my blog and enjoyed this post. i am thoroughly enjoying the consolation of philosophy! i have the penguin books translation and it is very concise. it does not over-simplify but the word choices are such that it is reasonably easy to read. the meat of the philosophy is still challenging, though! but yes, i love philosophy. thank you for your recommendation! it is definitely going on the list.

  6. These are fantastic goals! Hopefully you can kick the bucket pretty hard this summer. ^-^ Some of these are on my list too, like reading through the entire New Testament. But I've gotta say, you have a really knack for writing. This post was flawless, basically just because of the way you penned it. The way you write is honestly the best... <3

  7. These are amazing goals - and I may try to work toward a few of them myself. ;)

  8. abby abby abbyabby. this is so terrifyingly excellent & i love it & i only found this just now???? anyway, i'm going to keep this list in my soul for a while and learn the words by heart.
    also, you are going to school and that is scary and i hope you will be alright.

  9. I slept out under the stars a couple nights ago, and oh my! It was so beautifully humbling! I just....I saw God's creation, and could feel His Hands around me, and it was an amazing way to fall asleep! <3